Fighting Corona - This Photography Life

Not to miss destinations on your short trip to Utah

Megan Kwasniak — Mon, 22 Feb 2021 00:59:03 +0000

Traveling during the pandemic has presented challenges like no other time in history. I had originally written this post mid-Covid and I feel that I didn’t give the beautiful state of Utah much justice. Who can blame me though, it was a stressful time in our history and most people were not able to focus on much else except survival 🙂 Today, as I review some of my older blog posts and update them for relevance, I decided to rewrite this one in particular and provide as much insight regarding photography in Utah as possible. To start with, Utah is a very large state and with a tremendous number of attractions and places to photograph. I feel I barely scratched the surface of what it has to offer. In this post, I will speak especially to those who can only allot a short time to visit the state and point out some of the practically guarantee places to make great photographs. Join me. The first stop on our itinerary was Zion National Park. Unfortunately, while one of the most beautiful and unique places in Utah, it is also most heavily trafficked and popular with tourists. In November, the trees were blazing yellow and the weather extremely pleasant for hiking and exploration. As usual, I took a great deal of time for wandering and aimless exploration. This usually helps me find places that are more deserted and thus less likely photographed by others. The paths less traveled almost always equal better photographic opportunities. Next, we headed towards Monument Valley, a destination I have always wanted to visit and since commencing The Red Dress Project, I had envisioned it as part of the photographic travel series. Because visiting Monument Valley was one of the top priorities of our trip, I made sure to photograph it at dusk AND dawn, even though getting up at 4AM on a cold November morning was no easy feat 🙂 Nonetheless, I highly recommend it. The dawn and dusk light imparted very different atmospheres to the scene and I still can’t decide which one I like better. Of note, the travel distances in Monument Valley were very limited due to Covid restrictions at the time and we were not actually allowed to enter into the area as is usually possible. We had to limit out exploration to the main road and while the views were still stunning, I would love to revisit for a chance of deeper exploration. On the way to the very last stop on our itinerary, we swung by Coral Pink Sand Dunes, a desert like area in the south west region of Utah that seems as if it should not belong there. Unfortunately due to time constraints, we couldn’t stay for long to watch the sunset, which would have been my personal choice. There’s nothing better that long shadows cast by the setting sun giving multiple dimensions to tiny grains of sand coming together in the form of giant dunes. Nonetheless, if you enjoy the vastness of deserts, make sure to stop by this place. Just remember to protect your gear and eyes from the harsh environment and sand which has a tendency to creep in everywhere.

The post Not to miss destinations on your short trip to Utah first appeared on This Photography Life.

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Reports from the Frontline Part II

Megan Kwasniak — Mon, 11 May 2020 21:18:35 +0000

Sunday, April 19th, 2020 My colleagues and I have started testing ourselves for COVID antibodies. Jim had ordered these highly coveted, but not easily accessible tests from an online distributor a few weeks ago and I was surprised to find them delivered to our doorsteps so soon. Everyone got super excited about this, because the test will allow us to see if any of us have actually been exposed and developed antibodies to the virus. So far, none of my physician colleagues and mid-level providers have had symptoms of COVID and for that I am extremely grateful. But at the same time, I’ve been hopeful for some glimpse of immunity… The test looks a lot like a store bought pregnancy test, except you are using blood serum instead of urine. You have to obtain a small amount of blood and drop it into an appropriate slot on the plastic rectangle, followed by two drops of provided buffer. You then wait ten minutes for optimum results. I got to be the very first person to get tested. As I watched the line of buffer and blood move slowly across the white strip, I felt anxiety rising in my chest. What if it showed antibodies for immunity but also presence of potential virus in my body? I have not been feeling sick, but part of me always worries that I may be a carrier…The test, however, did not show any of that. It came out to be completely negative. Even though slightly disappointing, the results confirmed (in a way) that I have been wearing my PPE appropriately all this time and taking all the necessary precautions not to get exposed. That in itself is reassuring. Monday, April 20th, 2020 The test has become super popular lately and I’ve tested a good number of friends and family for corona antibodies. A touching story about this: a health care worker I know came to me requesting to get tested. She recently became a grandmother for the second time, but has not been able to meet this baby grandchild as of yet. She has been meeting the newborn by the window of her son’s house, unable to touch or hold her, for the fear of infecting her or spreading the virus. This has been really difficult on her and everyone in the family. So when she finally got tested and it came back completely negative, tears welled up in her eyes. The resultant plain white strip with no other visible lines except control reassured her that she at least is not an active carrier at this time. And with no additional scheduled hospital shift this week, she’ll be meeting her baby granddaughter for the first time this weekend! It was such a touching moment to experience. Who would have thought that a a test like this and a drop of blood can hold such power in people’s lives? What strange times we are living in… Thursday, April 23rd, 2020 Today was a big day for me. For the first time ever, I had been interviewed for two different podcasts, a photography podcast and a lifestyle podcast. Both of these are pretty well known in the podcast world and both invitations came pretty unexpectedly. The first one, the photography podcast known as The Candid Frame I have known and listened to for a long time. Its author and photographer himself, th great Ibarionex, had reached out to me a few weeks earlier and commented on some of my photos from the COVID project. I, in turn, humbly offered to get interviewed, which he gladly accepted. The second podcast, known as Listen Hunnay is the prodigy of Jeannie Mai whom I admit I did not know before, but who found me through Instagram hashtags and invited me to the show. Come to think of it, some pretty great things have happened to me specifically through Instagram…Social media can be such a powerful thing in many ways. The interviews were scheduled for 7 and 8PM. So at 6:30PM I chose one of my favorite dresses to wear, put on my red lipstick and sat in front of my laptop waiting for the recording to start. I believe dressing the part, even if you’re going to be recorded in the comforts of your own home, really makes a difference in the final outcome. And I’m really glad I did dress the part as the podcasters were able to see me and recorded me on video camera 🙂 Both talks turned out wonderful and felt more like a conversation than a formal interview. I got to speak a little about medicine and, in the case of the first one, a lot about photography. We specifically discussed this project, Reports from the Frontline, how it came about and where it’s heading. It was a real pleasure to be the guest on both shows. I cannot wait for the final recordings to come out. Friday, April 24th, 2020 Every time I see an X-Ray of COVID pneumonia in one of my patient’s, I get a little sinking feeling inside. The “bilateral fluffy infiltrates” has become almost an identifying factor in persons in whom we suspect the disease. This sign usually indicates an advancing disease and impending hypoxia – low oxygen levels in the person’s blood. The infiltrates can occur in anyone presenting with the disease: the young, the old, the cardiac or asthma patient…The level of “white out” varies among individuals and the outcome can be unpredictable. Some people continue to drop their oxygen levels and have to be moved to the ICU, placed on their abdomens to improve oxygenation to the lowest and deepest parts of their lungs. Some end up on ventilators and oftentimes never make it. To whom this will most likely happen we never really know. COVID 19 has proven to be a wild and capricious beast, one that is capable of destroying everything in its path despite our best efforts. This unpredictability and viciousness has been the most anxiety-provoking aspect of it all. Will this ever change? I am not sure. I do know that faced with this beast head on, physicians all over the world have been relentless in combining efforts and their on going experience to come up with the most effective methods to manage the disease. It’s a work in progress, an evolving matter. The approach changes all the time. What we thought worked well in the beginning often turns out no longer applicable. But I feel as though we get more efficient every day. This, combined with a potential vaccine, will most definitely change the course of the pandemic. I’m hoping that in a few years to come, this will all be merely like the seasonal flu, or rather a cold, the one we all get at some point but barely even remember. Or, even better yet, this will all be nothing but a sad yet distant memory. Monday, April 27th, 2020 This morning I decided to catch up on the news a little, since I have been avoiding it for the past several days. I tried to click only on the titles that seemed to deliver facts, not opinions and that did not sound like the doom and gloom we normally see. The theme seems to be that in the upcoming days, the world will slowly start re-opening. Small business are going to start taking in their customers, restaurants will allow seating inside, sports team will again begin practicing in the stadiums…I’m feeling slightly conflicted about this. Part of me really, really wants to go back to our “normal” lives. I miss hanging out with my friends, going out for brunch, not to mention dancing…But the biggest concern remains: will corona blow up again once we return to normal activities? Will we continue to spread the virus at the same rate we had been before we implemented the quarantine? Are we going to have to wear masks and “elbow bump” instead of hug each other for the indefinite time to come? So many questions remain. Of course we cannot stay in quarantine forever. There must come a time when we finally go back to living our lives…I just truly hope that the virus won’t come back with a vengeance :/ Saturday, May 2nd, 2020 Last night, as I was heading in to work, I encountered a man at the physician parking lot, looking up at the hospital building and waving. You could barely make out the shadow of the person he was waving at, standing in one of the top floor windows. I asked him who he was trying to wave to. “Oh, it’s my wife,” he said. “She’s been admitted for a few days now and even though I am not allowed to visit her, I come here every afternoon so we can see each other through the window.” He was wearing headphones and chatting with her at the same time. My heart sank a little bit. This has been one of the most difficult aspects of this pandemic – families unable to see each other once a one of them gets admitted to the hospital. So many patients have died alone, their families unable to say good bye, to hold their hand while they take their last breath…I cannot imagine the psychological impact this will have for months to come. It is something I think a lot about and have a hard time to come to grips with. It sounded as this man’s wife was going to be fine and will reunite with him soon enough, but for many, this has not been the case. Not being able to say good bye must be one of the most difficult things any human being can go through. In the last several days, despite the no visitor policy adopted across the hospitals in the nation, we have been letting families come and say good bye to the patients who died in our ED due to non COVID related causes. I keep my 6 feet physical distance to deliver the grueling news of a loved one dying, but I try not to keep the mask on when I say it. It is difficult enough to say something like this to the hopeful family members, it feels inhumane to mumble it behind my thick, impenetrable N95. I don’t want to have to repeat those difficult words because my voice sounds muffled, I want to deliver the message clearly and let the process of grieving begin right there and then. I’m glad that when the question “Can I see him/her?” finally comes, I can say, yes of course, you can definitely do so.” As I gathered my shift essentials from the car, I wished the man and his ill wife speedy recovery and a prompt reunion. He sounded hopeful and thanked me for being on the frontlines and for helping people like his wife. In return I appreciated his gratitude. In the end, this couple is one of the lucky ones. So many will not get to reunite, to hold each other again, to express love and appreciation for one another…The truth is, we on the frontlines are witnesses to such situations all year round, whether there is a pandemic or not. Accidents happen, people die unexpectedly, lives are forever changed in one minute. But never before have we witnessed this at such magnitude and frequency as during the COVID crisis. Seeing this every single day, several times a day can be incredibly taxing on the heart and spirit, even for the most hardened physicians. COVID is not leaving us unscathed and it will take a while to heal the wounds…

The post Reports from the Frontline Part II first appeared on This Photography Life.

The post Reports from the Frontline Part II appeared first on This Photography Life.

Reports from the Frontline

Megan Kwasniak — Thu, 16 Apr 2020 22:23:13 +0000

Monday, March 9th, 2020 It’s hard to believe that just few days ago I came back from Cuba. The trip, as wonderful as it was, is suddenly feeling like a distant memory. As much as I’m trying to keep it cool and composed, there are moments when I get overcome with anxiety. The talk of the world is nothing but Corona. The number of COVID cases in the USA are rising and our conversations at work are becoming more and more about what to do when we get a surge of sick patients and how to preserve our PPE (Personal Protective Equipment) should it become scarce. This is definitely the biggest concern for doctors and nurses throughout the country right now. Our Whatsapp work group has been exploding recently. We talk about everything. We’re sharing our personal worries and concerns, exchange COVID stories from the media and bring up possible plans for action for our busy ED. Among the serious conversations dominating the group, someone sends a meme that makes me laugh quietly. I welcome the comic relief; without it I feel as if my mind would explode. But the overall mood is not jovial. We are learning of other health care workers throughout the country and beyond who have already been exposed to the virus and tested positive. Many physicians report in social media groups that they have likely treated positive COVID patients but were not able to test them, as the patients did not meet the current criteria for testing. We do not have proper testing procedures and not enough test kits in this country and this upsets me tremendously. Everyone in health care is at least a little bit worried at this point and most of us feel lost and unsure on how to proceed, especially since there are no clear recommendations provided to us at this time. Everything seems to be a work in progress. In situations like this one, you have to be open minded and quick to adapt to ever changing guidelines. We are hearing reports that Italy has closed its borders completely as they lose more patients daily. This is starting to feel a little bit surreal. Saturday, March 21st, 2020 I feel uneasy today, because I decided to purchase my own N95 masks which someone is selling for $80 per box, way over their usual price. The person quoted me for three boxes and I went with it, which came out to be $240 for 60 masks total. Jim (my partner) is unhappy about it, calling it “price gouging” and of course he is right about this. But I am doing this for my own sanity. Our biggest concern as ED physicians has been the possible lack of PPE and I just don’t want to have to face this situation. I feel like everyone is making preparations and I don’t want to be the last naïve doc left without any PPE because I did not think ahead of time. For some, this is a simple issue: if no one provides them with PPE, they will not be able to take care of patients. For me, this has more to do with having control over something in this crazy situation versus being at the mercy of others. Of course I want to do my job properly, of course I want to show up and serve those that need me the most. But I also want to be protected. If we do run out of PPE, what will we do? If we get sick, we cannot help anyone else. I don’t want to end up in such situation. I rather prepare ahead of time. This is what we, Emergency Physicians, are great at: anticipating potentially serious situations, preparing ahead of time to mitigate them and then responding to the best of our ability in the moment they happen. In this way, COVID is no different than any other situation we face in the ER on a daily basis. My phone today became a source of PTSD. Whether it’s social media or the news, the information currently being posted is incredibly stressful and anxiety provoking, especially FB and the media. Ironically, posts from distraught docs are a temporary bandaid to my feelings of isolation and loneliness, but after several minutes of scrolling I can feel my heart rate increase dramatically and my overall sense of uneasiness taking over. When my phone died today in the middle of a conversation with an anxious friend, I actually felt relieved and decided to leave it in another room for an undetermined period of time. This would normally be unheard of as I am attached to my phone like a calf to its mother. But in this situation I am putting strict restrictions on myself regarding the news, social media and actually anything corona related. Preserving my sanity truly relies on this. Sunday, March 22nd, 2020 This afternoon I went to pick up the newly purchased masks. The seller asked me to meet him at a parking lot of a popular restaurant in the neighboring town. When I arrived, this restaurant, as most others, was closed and the parking lot deserted. It felt a little strange to be buying something from a complete stranger, at a deserted parking lot…Strange times call for strange measures I guess. He pulled up next to me in his car, took out several boxes out of his trunk and handed over the sixty masks without any issues. I feel relieved and super glad that I bought them. Somewhere in the back of my mind I feel much calmer now knowing that if we truly are hit like a wave and find ourselves without any PPE, I can reach for this emergency supply and help my colleagues too. I have to work a night shift tonight (6pm-6am) and I’m feeling a bit apprehensive about it, but I’m also hoping to interview some of my colleagues and perhaps take a few photographs. I believe this particular time we find ourselves in is history in the making and must be documented as we see it… Thursday, March 26th It’s amazing what a difference a few solid hours of sleep can make. Over the past several days, I have not been able to sleep well at night and kept dreaming about Covid. In addition, if I wake up in the middle of the night with a slightly dry throat, I immediately think I’ve contracted the virus. “So this is it, this is how it starts,” my mind tells me, taking me to the darkest places of my subconscious. I have trouble falling back asleep after that for a while. Last night however, I was able to get some proper rest and woke up feeling rejuvenated and ready to face whatever I needed to face this day. I felt more energized and joyful at the little things: my favorite music, a delicious smoothie I made at home, my sweet pups’ kisses. In this better state of mind, I am better able to serve my patients and to support my team. I must protect this state of mind at all costs. As part of keeping my sanity, I have started to limit my social media time and my consumption of the news. I now believe a healthy dose of no more than 30 minutes a day is sufficient. The rest I try to spend doing other things, like writing these thoughts down for example. I feel much, much better this way. April 2nd, 2020 I haven’t written anything down in this journal for a while. Perhaps because I had a few days off from work and took the time to clear my mind and stay off the corona topic entirely. Today I peaked at the news again. We have now exceeded 1 million cases of confirmed COVID infections throughout the world. China is no longer the leader in this. United States has taken that position, followed by Italy, Spain and now even Germany. I am wondering how much higher these numbers will rise…I’m tempted to place bets, but I don’t want to make light out of this situation. Sometimes it feels like the apocalypse has come and it will destroy the world as we know it. If it doesn’t end it, it will change it for sure. Reports coming from New York are absolutely heartbreaking. I talk with my physician colleagues and friends from the area on regular basis. Despite the dire conditions in their already overcrowded EDs, they remain super strong and keep showing up in good spirits! They are working in an incredibly tough environment, seeing hundreds of COVID patients a day, a significant number of which are very ill and admitted to the ICU. There are special morgues set up just outside the hospitals to store the growing number of patients that had succumbed to the illness. I can vividly imagine what is going on there, because I had lived and trained in New York City for 14 years of my life. The city is close to my heart. At times, I feel a mixture of guilt and shame for not being there right now to help. We don’t have it as bad here in Florida, at least not yet. We are seeing patients, but the overall volume of people seen in the ED has decreased somewhat. Most people are afraid to come to the hospital at this time and rightly so. We appreciate all those who are taking the quarantine seriously. Social isolation seems to be the only way so far to combat the virus. On a positive note, local communities nation wide have shown tremendous support for health care workers everywhere. We have restaurants dropping off free meals for us and local churches offering prayer (and snacks!) to get us through the day. In big cities like New York, there are cheers and applause heard throughout the city, as residents show up at 7PM to support all health care workers on the frontlines of the pandemic. I must say, for the first time since becoming a physician, I feel appreciated and know that my presence actually matters. I feel tremendous gratitude for the community standing behind us and cheering us on. April 7th, 2020 We have set up a system to help with the process of seeing potential COVID patients in our ED. I know a lot of people have been working hard behind the scenes to streamline and make this as efficient as possible. We currently have a special tent set up outside that accommodates all the potential, but not critically ill corona patients. If someone is noted to be very sick, they come inside the ED and are placed in negative pressure rooms to minimize exposure to others. This model has been implemented in many hospitals across the country and it works very well in my opinion. I am incredibly glad my hospital made this plan come to life as well. In terms of my shifts, we are seeing increasing numbers of COVID cases, but the overall volume is not overwhelming. Adherence to social isolation rules and avoiding the Emergency Room unless absolutely necessary is contributing to this volume drop and making it easier for us to take care of COVID patients as we have more time to devote to their care. I must say, I never knew how much time donning on and donning off the entire PPE takes. In order to do it properly, you have to follow proper procedures and be extremely careful not to self contaminate during the process. This can become very time consuming, especially with back to back patients. I believe that this is one of the reasons why so many health care workers on the frontlines have contracted corona virus across the world. During times of chaos, it is very easy to become complacent and screw up this meticulous procedure, putting yourself greatly at risk. This is why the lower ED volumes help us out in the end. April 15th, 2020 I must admit, I am doing a lot better mentally these days. I am not sure what it is, perhaps a combination of having enough PPE at this point and feeling more confident “on the frontlines” (aka the ED) as well as taking proper care of my mental well being, both at work and at home when I am off. Limiting my news and social media time has had the greatest positive impact I believe. It is not that I am against social media, quite on the contrary. Social media is what allows me to stay connected, to share my story such as this one, to find inspiration from others…But unfortunately, whenever I scroll, I see that negativity in that space is much more prevalent than anything else, so limiting my exposure and being selective about how much time I spend online has helped preserve my sanity tremendously. The volume in the ED remains low, which is a sign that people continue to social distance and stay at home, taking the quarantine seriously. That re-assures me and I appreciate all those who are doing their part. I am certain it is not easy to do this, especially that we do not know how much longer the pandemic will last. Everyone is fighting their own battle, everyone has to overcome different obstacles in this fight against corona. Knowing that we are in this together is the silver lining in this situation. Something good yet unexpected has happened yesterday: a box of COVID antibody test kits arrived at our house with the morning mail. Jim had purchased it few weeks ago online, but due to its demand, I didn’t think we would get it so soon. More curious than anything, myself and a few colleagues performed the test on ourselves at work. The kit looks a bit like a store bought pregnancy test: you have to obtain a sample of blood, drop it into the appropriate slot on the kit followed by two drops of serum and then watch it slowly move across the strip until it hits the control line. When the control line changes from blue to red, you know that at least the test has been done correctly. Anyway, this antibody test can show you whether you have current exposure to corona and/or whether you have the antibodies to it or not. So far I have neither corona nor the antibodies. At least this reassures me that I have been wearing my PPE correctly 🙂 With that thought in mind, I am off to my shift, ready to face whatever comes my way. I hope that no matter what, I am able to help somebody or at least inspire somebody to stay strong and to keep fighting the good fight. Whether we like it or not, we are witnesses to history in the making. Eventually this too shall pass, as nothing lasts forever. And what we can hope for is that when we do come out of this, we come out stronger and changed for the better.

The post Reports from the Frontline first appeared on This Photography Life.

The post Reports from the Frontline appeared first on This Photography Life.